So aye I’m like 19 and I’ve been a cutter since I was 11, at first this was for attention. My friend was talking “Emo” and how cool they were and in order to be an “emo” you had to cut yourself. So that friend was G. And let’s just say we’re not friends anymore, we drifted apart and G is just shitty in my opinion. Well what G said implated into my brain. This was like 6th grade so I was 11. I was home alone, I think or I was supposed to be in bed. I could literally do what ever I wanted cause I was a spoiled brat lmao still am. I was watching somethin on hbo and this kid was reading a poem about cutting him self to deal with the pain of his parents. I was also dealing with pain and whatnot, I didn’t know it at the time but I have an anxiety disorder, I was getting abused at home verbally and physically by mom’s ex. And I was getting bullied at school for various reasons. I was the weird poor kid that everyone thought was gay. I was also figuring out at the time that I was bisexual so hormones mixed with mental disorders it was a lil wild. Anyway, once that show got done, I climbed off my bed and into the kitchen and grabbed a pair of scissors. I just went to town on my arm. Cuts everywhere. Not deep enough to need stitches but enough to bring blood. It felt great. And it all started from there. I went to school the next day and showed G. Idk waht really happened but I was like “I’m an emo lmao”” I kept complaining about my arm hurting to my boyfriend R. Just hoping someone would here my cry for help but they never did. I stopped for a while. Fast forward to 7th grade, I was happy, I was losing weight less gothic and what not. Then my friend K would post on Facebook like “173 times :// don’t ask” and I asked her what it was about and she said they she started cutting herself, so I went home, started cutting again, and posted the same shit on Facebook I was dumb lmao.
I kept cutting that year but I think I stopped but idk, in 7th grade, I was in science class, and we had the computer lab that day and I had my sleeves rolled up because I was hot. And I had cuts on the top of my arm, Mrs B, was a bitch. Just an all around, bitch. My friends knew that I cut at the time becuase they did it too. But Mrs B comes around and announces in front of the whole class, “what’d you do to your arm???” In a real snarky bitchy way. I replied that my cat did it and put my head down because I had a fucking panic attack because this bitch and everyone was staring at me. Then in eighth grade, over the summer I got a girlfriend H, I came out as bisexual and I really didn’t get any shit for it except some snarky comments sometimes. But whatever. I still cut myself. I was sitting in class, in English, and E & D were talking to me, they noticed the scars on my legs and E was a dick, and so was D. They were like what are you some kind of freak??? Why do you that???? And I didn’t say anything I don’t think I did idk, then one day I got after school dentention becuase of some bullshit thing with my girlfriend H, we suppposebly got caught holding hands which we weren’t, but we got detention for it. I was sitting in after school and this girl noticed my leg and she was like it’s okay, I do it too. She was sweet I liked J. But we never became friends. I cut my self a lot more when I was with H, she might have been 12 but goddamn that girl was emotionally abusive. She cheated on me and treated me like shit, but what can I say, I loved her. I carved her initials into my arm once, I had a scar forever but it’s faded and gone now. She sent a pic of my arm to her ex for some reason, and she was like what wrong with arm idk it botherd me. Me and H dated for a year but I ended things because I got tired of it.
Fast forward to 9th grade. I was still a cutter, big surprise. I was cutting more now, more and more each day, it just made me feel better. I wore a shit ton of bracelets all the time but no one really new why. I think at this time I was still using scissors, but I got together with my now fiancé T. He didn’t get it, but it got worse when I was with him. I was questioning my sexuality and thinking I was gay. Well we broke on dec 27 2013 after like a month and half of dating, he thought I’d be better off with out him because I thought I was gay and I wasn’t sure if I loved him. Like he was my first guy kiss. But it was 2 months and I was 14 like come on how is love even a thing lmao. But we broke up, and hell broke lose for me, I was in a deep depression, I switchedto razor blades, and I cut a lot. I realized I loved him, but he got with Someone else. I cut off all my hair, and claimed to be gay, just what he wanted. I dated a few girls, I even switched schools for a little bit, but it was always him I wanted. But I’ll finish this later I’ve lost interest and don’t feel like typing anymore
after you mix it, put it in an ice tray or bowl to freeze. i put it in an ice tray, and it makes 8 chocolates. each chocolate has 2 calories.
calories:
cocoa powder: 10
sweetener: 0
almond milk: 6
total: 16
for 16 calories, it tastes absolutely amazing! for me, it’s something i have made up all the time. if i’m craving chocolate, i can eat a lot for pretty much no calories.
